Justification of the week


" I shouldn’t have added that fifth spoon to sugar to my tea "


When to use:  If an apology is expected

Comments:  You opened up your mouth and, guess what?  Something really stupid came out.  Or insensitive.  Or asinine.  Insert whatever negative adjective here best fits the inappropriate thing you said.  Or did, for that matter.  This justification works for both stupid speech AND behavior.

Sugar is the root of many health evils.  It’s addictive, increases risk of heart disease and diabetes, makes you fat, and can lead to an early death.  If you don’t believe me, ask Dr. Scott Olson, an expert on alternative medicine and a card carrying member of the Excellent Justifications group.  He says sugar changes your brain, and few parents would disagree after witnessing the affects of cake and ice cream at umpteen kids’ birthday parties.  But does sugar make adults stupid?  The jury is still out on that one.  And that is why this justification is so excellent.  If you blame your behavior on sugar, people will believe you.  So when you rear end a car on the way home from work, just tell your spouse “I shouldn’t have eaten that Snickers bar.”  And when you go off at someone online, calling them names a prison inmate would blush to use, don’t apologize, blame that liter of soda you downed along with your super-sized burger and fries.  The problem doesn’t lie with your reckless behavior.  It has nothing to do with your casual disregard for the feelings of others or even with your unhealthy eating habits.  Sugar could well lead to adult stupidity, but rather than take care of your brain by consuming less sugar, exercising, and supplementing with omega-3, just blame the sugar.  Locating the problem outside yourself, not inside, is the proper path of justifications.  After all, if you admit that the problem comes from within, you’d be obligated to do something about it, right?  You’d need to examine your behavior and make with great deliberation and attention make changes to your behavior, your eating patterns, and perhaps even your lifestyle.  But that’s a lot of work, and let’s face it, you’re not about to do hard work.  Not when you can justify instead.

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